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How Many Times will my Teenagers Roll Their Eyes at me Today?

Living the dream

7:00 a.m. I wake to my alarm and think about my sweet babies toddling down the hallway, jumping in my bed, and snuggling. A split second later, I remember that I have teenagers. Damn it.

7:03 a.m. Think about getting up. Mentally review who needs to be where. Ponder how many times my kids will insinuate that I am an idiot.

7:55 a.m. Drinking my coffee when my 14-year-old stomps out of her bedroom and states that she wanted to leave five minutes ago and how could I have forgotten that when she just told me last night. I put shoes on as she gives me my first huff of disdain of the day. I look up to see my first eye roll. Gonna be a great day.

8:05 a.m. We reach her school and I stop across the street from the entrance. My daughter states that when dad drops her at school, he always drives to the other side so that she does not have to cross the street. Say, “Tomorrow I will do that. Have a good day.” Eye roll number two.

8:15 a.m. I stop at a coffee shop and order a mocha with an extra shot. The barista takes my money and delivers my drink. Does not roll his eyes at me. Gets a tip.

9:30 a.m. My 17-year-old who attends school at home says that she needs help answering some American History questions. “What was the impact of railroads in the 1920s on businesses and society?” she asks. I say that I have some ideas but can she check her textbook first? “Fine,” she huffs. Huff of disdain number two.

10:10 a.m. My 14-year-old calls me from school. When I answer she asks “What are we having for dinner tonight?”I state that we are having shrimp tacos. She explains that she no longer likes seafood mixed with other food but would eat it plain. “Whatever,” she says. Huff of disdain number three.

11:27 a.m. Shortly after my 17-year-old starts online English class, she yells, “Mom! Come!” I jump off my bar stool in the kitchen where I was counting the hours until “wine time” and run into the dining room/classroom. “Look at this catch the Padres outfielder made!” I mention that she is supposed to be attending an online class. She says that she already finished all her work. Huff of disdain number four.

Photo by Amy Strommer

2:50 p.m. Pick up 14-year-old from school. Feel like I am approaching a wounded deer and don’t want to scare her off so I try to be casual. “What did you do in French today?” Eye roll number three. Ok, maybe I deserved that one by asking the obvious. I panicked.

4:12 p.m. Start prepping dinner which means I can open a bottle of wine. Pour a glass and sigh. Life is looking up. Take another sip. Closer. Take another sip. All better now.

4:17 p.m. My 17-year-old walks into the kitchen and asks what’s for dinner? I say, “Oh, just like every night, grilled rats from the alley with a side of weeds picked from the neighbor’s yard served with a sauce created from the tears of your mother’s dreams.” She pauses and says, “Oh, drinking already?” Eyeroll number four.

5:30 p.m. Serve dinner to an unappreciative family.

5:36 p.m. My 14-year-old finishes dinner and takes her plate into the kitchen. She walks past the dining room on the way to her cave, I mean room, and my husband asks if she can bring in his plate. Her eyes widen like a 13-year-old boy seeing boobs for the first time. “Really? Because I am a woman, I must serve you and bring in your plate? Ah, what century is this? How about you bring in your own plate AND clear the table?” Huff of disdain number five (but at least it is not directed at me).

7:34 p.m. My 14-year-old wanders out from her bedroom and asks what we are watching. I state we are watching “The Crown.” She looks at the screen and states, “Ah, an old person show. No thanks.” Eyeroll number five. I don’t remember asking her opinion or inviting her to watch with us.

9:45 p.m. My 17-year-old says good night. I ask if she finished her American History, something about the railroad? She says that she didn’t know what to write and that I didn’t help her so she is going to get an F. Huff of disdain number six as she spins around and heads down the hallway. I yell “good night.”

10:30 p.m. Wash my face and brush my teeth. Fantasize about escaping to Bali for a few years and wonder if it would screw up my kids. Think to myself that I already gave them a good foundation. They would be fine.

10:35 p.m. Hop into bed. Think about how all the eye rolls and sighs today. Ugh! Then realize they are growing up and will soon be on their own. Tears form in my eyes and a bittersweet sigh escapes from my mouth.